Sunday, April 23, 2017

Merch, y'all (aka "bring cash")

Those of you who follow New Texture's twitter page will certainly have noticed this gem:

"Music has become worthless now, for the first time ever." Josh Alan Friedman on Stark Truth Radio

Though I am inclined to believe everything Mr. Friedman says, I most certainly agree with him on the above assessment, and do so from a place of personal experience.  

Further, you don't have to be the Idiot Bastard to know that it's not love, but merch that will tear us apart, again.  Feuding heirs and what not.

While it may be the Jooklo-Zappa sonic experience will quickly and violently pass through you like a 1 Euro Berlin falafel, posters, tee shirts, tour books, cassettes and CD's can stay with you forever like a fancy stomach parasite from some exotic locale.

Here are some examples of the offerings on the 2017 Jooklo Zappa Loves You European Freakabastia Tour:

Above are ten of eighty eight (88) original tour posters.  And by original I mean that each one is unique, hand made by I-man, with nothing but love in my heart and a lot of gratitude for the magic of WILD GEARS! Love you guys!

(As for the photos, if you are wondering about the horrendous exposure, that was by choice.  Stop shouting)

In addition, there are fifty (50) of these as well:

These also are all original, all hand made, no two alike, no two the same size, all look better in real day light than what ever the fuck exposure the camera thought best, all printed on thick paper, all suitable for framing, all will keep your table top clear of those pesky drink rings when used as a coaster or table mat.

Mind you, while the proceeds from these posters should go to pay for dog food, people food, heating bills, auto insurance and taxes (in that order) my personal private personal strategy (as 1/4 of the Jooklo Zappa trio) is to allocate those funds to the realization of some high-art uber-collectable JOOKLO-ZAPPA 12" vinyl.

I'm looking at you URDLA...

Does that turn anyone's crank?  While I suppose I could go on KickStarter or GoFuckFundMe, I still like to pretend I can get things done by the sweat of my own brow(n).  Not like that has ever been the case, but hey, if you don't have a dream, how do you expect a dream to come true?  Because really now, it can't be that only nightmares come true, right?  Please?  Someone?  Hello?

Not shown are the Tour Books or the cassettes.  That is for the simple reason that they are not yet done.  No matter, I have 7 days before I leave.  All the time in the world, right?

Sunday, April 16, 2017


That's right.  Happy Easter!  And STOP SHOUTING!

Because really, if a man can't take 3 months off from Blogging about the most important tour of his entire "career" (hahaha) with the totally excellent and fantastic Jooklo-Duo, in the JOOKLO ZAPPA formation then the terrorists have in fact won, mother of all bombs not withstanding.

(what would you do with $16 million? I for one would blog a lot more often)

In the last three months, the tremendously and very very talented Virginia Genta thoughtfully made this fantastic poster:

For those of you who not only are going deaf, losing their hair, joint mobility, sense of humour, will to live and most importantly for this application, vision, here's an easier to read rundown:

MAY 6:  Troglofesta in Chiesuola, Italy

Another totally epic poster by Ms. Genta!  Like, this event alone is worth the schlepp from the middle of nothingnowhere Canada to gaye olde Europe. I for one am quite excited to meet all the musicians.  Those of you who follow the Jooklo Duo on Youtube will have, by now, enjoyed the musical stylings of Riccardo Sinigaglia and Al Doum and the Faryds.  Chiesuola is in Ravenna, which has at least one building from the 6th century.  The totality of North America has nothing from the 6th century AD, aside of course from a perfectly workable and highly developed civilization that white people crushed with war and disease upon arrival.

MAY 7th - 11: secret, special, personal, private recording sessions, cheese eating, bakery inspections and advanced dance move rehearsal.

MAY 12: Het Bos Antwerp, Belgium 

It doesn't take a congressional inquiry to figure out Jooklo-Zappa is performing with Lauroshilau.  It could be they are the exact opposite of us!  A good thing!  From Portugal, we have The Selva.  Three trios.  Hey, did you know together we can do that which we cannot do alone?  My person al hope as 1/4 of the Jooklo Trio is that once we have "presented" we can undo our top buttons and make the big sound as multi-culti 9 tet!  United Sound Nations, yo!

MAY 13: In De Ruimte Gent, Belgium
Yellow!  The colour of...good times!  They'll get the deets up soon.....

MAY 14: Rumsteek Oui Rumsteek, Bruxelles, Belgium

Maybe you have to be on their mailing list to hear about the gig?  Well I'm here to tell you at some point, on the 14 of may, hopefully after getting to know the Who's who in the world of frites we will be at Rumsteek Oui Rumsteek playing the sweet living fried potatoes out of our respective instruments.

MAY 15: Venue TBA Paris

And the announcement is....go peel a banana!  Like I give a fuck!  Besides, what's there to see in Paris anyhow?  Dogshit strewn streets?

MAY 17: Nouveau Garage, St Julian, France.  Got anything to drink?

MAY 18: Le Périscope, Lyon, France
Hells yeah Periscope!  I'm looking at you, you're looking at me! Hopefully there will be time to visit URDLA where Bill Dixon did the fantastic work for the covers of Vade Mecum (and Papyrus also, maybe?). 

Mr. Rob Mazurek, who has no small fondness for Mr. Dixon's work has been to URDLA to express himself.  Hey URDLA...I'm seeing a pattern here...are you seeing a pattern here?  coup de coude coup de coude, clin d'œil clin d'œil?

Virgiiiiiiiiiiii can we go to URDLA pleaseeeeeeeeeeee???????????

MAY 19: Circuit centre d'art contemporain - Lausanne, Switzerland

Art! Like, what language do they even speak in Lausanne?  Is Swiss a language?  Obviously I am waaay out of my depth.  I'll be quiet now.

MAY 20: Fri Art - Centre d'art de Fribourg / Kunsthalle Freiburg, Switzerland

More Art! Wiggly kissing!  Switzerland!

MAY 21: La Cave 12, Geneve, Switzerland

DIMANCHE is (?) for Sunday I'm guessing?  And what better day to make a pilgrimage to the Freddy Mercury statue?   

Virgiiiii, can we go to the Freddy Mercury Statue pleaseeeeeeeeeee?????

MAY 23: KROCH, Stockholm

Applekaka!  Say it with me...Apple Kaka! It just sounds dirty!  But oh so good once you get it in your mouth!  Valands Konditori on Surbrunnsgatan 48 

Virgiiii, can we go to Valands Konditori on Subrunnsgatan 48 to get some Applekaka which only sounds dirty pleeaseeeee?????????

MAY 24: Mental Alaska at Hard Rock House, Helsinki, Finland

Ok, is Finland a "Scandinavian" country or isn't it?  If not why not?  He asked with his grade 6 understanding of geography.

You know, when I went to a certain festival in a certain part of North German where I was told "no one gets paid",I met some fantastic musicians from Finland.  Y'all going to be at the show? I would love to see you! 

MAY 25
: Mayhem Kbh, Copenhagen, Denmark


MAY 26: West Germany Venue, Berlin, Germany

Damn!  Berlin!  Some very heavy music (among other things) has come out of Berlin.  I also hear it costs less than 1 Euro to ruin your entire day!

Extra points for decorating the place as I did my dorm room in college (and next few apartments after graduation)!

MAY 27: Kaiola festibala, Galdakao, Basque Country
The Bay of Biscay (you say?)   An "autonomous community" of Basque Country, northern Spain?  A language that has lots of K's and X's and has nothing to do with Spanish?  Very exciting.

MAY 28: Fanfulla, Rome, Italy

"Rome is going to blow your little fucking mind" she said.

MAY 29: Bar Chupito, Perugia, Italy

You mean like those highly addicting "Bacci" things they sent to Northern New Jersey to enfatten the people and simultaneously deliver them from those little waxen turd "kisses"? (cf. streets of Paris)

Hopefully I won't get my camera stolen, or loose the SD card, or some other horrendous episode along the way, so we can spend the 30th uploading, downloading, mowing the lawn, and all the rest.

+ + + + + 

MERCH! Merch on top of merch inside of merch.  Stay tuned for more deets.  In the mean, just bring cash.  30 Euro should do just fine!